Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
