Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
