WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
