After last night, I could never be a politician.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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