if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
