Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
