my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
