Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
