he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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