ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
