my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
