just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
