im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
