Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was confusing and full of hummus
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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