so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
