May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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