Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
