I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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