Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
