i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
