called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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