Don't make out with my wife yet
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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