Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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