Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
