the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
