on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
