similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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