you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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