your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
