just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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