I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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