Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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