Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
