she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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