So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
