I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
