We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
