do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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