...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize