I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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