How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
