don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
