ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
