Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
