I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
