I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
