i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
