and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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