I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
