I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
