i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
