The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
